So now we have two lovely certificates from Newham and Barking Council announcing the adoption of Jack Liam Sanderson and May Florence Sanderson by Ruth and Richard Sanderson, signed by three magistrates.

It was a quite informal event at Newham Magistrate's Court, no gavel banging or wigs, much to my disappointment, but three magistrates, an usher and various witnesses. It was rather nice. Jack ran around and around the courtroom, one of the magistrates called May "Mary", and we posed for photos in front of the Coat of Arms while jack made "Raaagh!" noises and pointed at the lion on it.

The social worker signed us off - his case is now closed - and we began life as a normal nuclear family.

I may post a couple of pictures for friends, as soon as I get broadband re-established.

Sorry, I don't want to say a lot about yesterday's meeting at the moment.

Needless to say, it was a little awkward, and rather sad.

Sometimes people love their kids and try to do their best, but simply can't cope.

The end result was good for the children and for us, but somebody's going to feel that loss forever.

Yes, still here.

Just a lot going on as we reach the conclusion of the whole adoption process. This afternoon we meet Jack and May's Mum for the one and only time (under social worker supervision, and without the kids of course), it's a somewhat daunting prospect - but one I would regret for ever if I didn't take up.

Coupled with that I've got "a cold" ("flu" is too strong a word, but "a cold" doesn't really sum up the all-enveloping gloopy head feeling and general exhaustion), and my home internet seems to have collapsed. All rather frustrating. Oh, and the in-laws and their noisy dog are staying.

Friday is the big day of course - then it's all over.

Thanks for all the many best wishes regarding the adoption!

I thought I should tell you a little more.

What happened on Friday was that the Family Court in Newham approved our adoption. The children's birth mother had agreed that this was the best thing (after initially opposing it), but the father had objected. Friday was his chance to oppose the adoption in court - he chose not to appear (we suspect that his opposition was more a matter of bravado - as it happens he has 5 previous children in care)

Because of this, we were not allowed to attend the hearing - and we were represented by our social workers. Anyway, the court approved the adoption, Newham clearly thought that we were the best place for the children, and, as of that moment, the children are no longer classed as "looked after children" in the joint care of Social Services and ourselves, but Jack and May Sanderson, our children. The long-shot, apart from the fact that they will be ours forever, is that we will no longer be bothered by social workers...well almost....

They will no longer be able to poke into our affairs and judge us, their only role will be as occasional go-betweens, between us and the birth mother, with whom we've agreed to have "letterbox" contact - a letter from the mother, maybe twice a year. Neither of the parents will be told where we live.
It's funny, I was delighted to say goodbye to the Social Workers of Lewisham, who were never more than equivocal in their promotion of us as potential parents, indeed they never felt we could cope with two children, but the social workers of Newham have been so different - acting on our side and confident of our abilities and amazingly "hands-off", the contrast could hardly be wider. Newham, of course, were the ones who were right, and two children have benefited from this.

There are still two more things to do - but they're not hurdles, more just clearing up. A week on Wednesday we will have our only face-to-face meeting with the birth-mother. This may seem odd, but it's becoming standard practice in adoption- it serves a couple of purposes- it means that the mother can see, hopefully, that we are a responsible couple who will love and care for her children, we in turn get to meet the mother of our children- We can find out things about them as babies, why they were given their names, even see if she has the same smile as her children. It doesn't promise to be an easy meeting, it'll be very uncomfortable, emotional and sad - still almost unimaginable to me at the moment.

Then two days later we go, with our children, to the Court again, for the "Pronouncement Hearing", where the Judge will formally announce that Jack and May are our children.

On Friday night, I went to check on the children as they slept, and I was suddenly hit by a wave of emotion and love, as they lay there. They were now ours, to care for as long as we live - and we won't let them down. Then I went back downstairs to share a bottle of Champagne with Ruth.

The Court has granted the Adoption Order.
(There was a court hearing this afternoon because the father opposed the adoption - he failed to turn up)
Jack and May are officially our children now - and they are Sandersons.

We all go to court next week for some gavel banging officialdom.

Hang out the flags!

On Sunday we all went to a party celebrating the 1st anniversary of the arrival of the adopted son of friends of ours- like us they have two adopted children through the local authority. Lots of cake, balloons etc, whilst the garden was full of (mainly) pre-verbal kids at various stages of walking ability wobbling about and bumping tricycles into eachother. Jack somehow managed to spill red wine over himself, and May did the longest walk I've seen her make (four steps). All very pleasant.

The idea of an "Arrival Anniversary" is a nice one I think - we've had our kids for just over a third of a year, but a joint celebration next April will be very nice....

I might even invite you*


*Not a promise

I didn't want it to sound like I was having a hard time looking after children when I wrote that post yesterday - despite it being flipping hard work sometimes, I am absolutely delighted with the children we've got - they are an unending source of pleasure and amusement, and I love 'em to bits. Just so that's clear.

We had a visit from the "looked after children" health visitor yesterday - she remarked on how "well attached" the children are to us. Anybody who knows anything about adoption will tell you that "attachment" is one of the big buzz-words in this business, so the fact that she described them as such is enormously satisfying. There doesn't seem to be any real barriers to the full adoption now - in fact, I get the impression that Newham will be be quite glad to clear them from their files.

I'll finish with a cutesy anecdote as an example of how lovely they are - Jack, being 2 years old, and a boy, has a tendency to rush around a bit, not looking where he's going, and as a consequence falls over quite a lot. He's now used to us "kissing better" any minor injuries, to the extent that when he hurts himself now, he comes towards us nursing the damaged appendage and making loud "mwah! mwah!" noises....

Now that Jack and May have been with us for over three months, it's sometimes difficult to remember that they're not ours yet, but are still the joint responsibility of ourselves and Newham social services.

Newham have been remarkably "hands off". For the last two months, we've hardly heard from them, and the only scheduled visit was cancelled when it coincided with the "vomiting weekend".

Now things are happening again - this Friday the children's social worker and case worker will visit, and then on Monday they get a visit from the Newham health visitor (they already have a health visitor from Lewisham)

In the meantime we've put in an application to go to court and have the adoption made official, and the first stage of that goes into action early in August with a hearing we can't attend - the children's birth parents will be invited to attend if they wish to contest the adoption. There doesn't seem to be much evidence that they will, indeed one of them appears to have gone AWOL.

We've taken Newham's "hands off" as a positive sign, they certainly seem happy enough and have not expressed any concerns. If everything goes smoothly then the Sanderson Family will officially increase by two, possibly as early as the end of September.

Ruth bumped into our original social worker yesterday, whilst in the supermarket with the kids.

She was delighted for us apparently. The kids were beaming and lovely as usual. Ruth was quite polite to her.

I'm not sure I would have been so polite. This is the woman that gave us a protracted "home study" which seemed unnecessarily intrusive and abrasive. She continually doubted our abilities as adopters, especially mine, and actively recommended that we shouldn't be allowed to adopt two children, that it would be too much for us (let me remind you that Ruth works as a teacher in an adolescent mental health ward) She got us through the process with a recommendation that was at best equivocal, and once through it we never felt that she was very supportive of us, and that she and her team were just hoping we'd go away.

It was only after several years of the fruitless and dispiriting experience with her and Lewisham Social Services that we did go away and jumped ship, applied to Newham, did the whole bloody thing again and discovered it could be done differently. We found a social worker who was supportive and actively wanted us to have children. Within weeks of getting through the process we'd been earmarked for two kids who are now happily living with us.

Of course, if we hadn't had such an abysmal experience with Lewisham we wouldn't have Jack and May now, but that doesn't completely erase the memory of three and half years of frustration, demoralisation and heartbreak.

"I'm not with Lewisham anymore" she told Ruth, "I'm with Greenwich now"

Poor Greenwich.

Do I really need an excuse?

Everything still going fine. They really are the most marvellous kids. Of course they're not always as cute as this, and at times they're bloody hard work, but find me two kids of comparative ages who aren't quite hard work and I'll show you a smug parent being economical with the truth...

Thanks to everyone for all the messages of support and goodwill, it really has been rather touching!

...but busy and tiring.
Actually we've taken to grabbing an hour's kip in the afternoon when the kids have their afternoon nap. It helps. Our Health Visitor, erm, visited for the first time today, she seems lovely, and seems to think J and M are fine - I was pleased she witnessed a minor J tantrum too though.

Yesterday I took M along to Lewisham Library for the "Baby Bounce" which was nice. She was a bit scared at first as about 30 under-twos started shaking rattles and singing songs led by two cheery deep voiced blokes, but she was soon giggling and rattling withthe best of them. I was one of 3 dads there, so that felt OK. I took her in the sling thing which means she protudes from my chest facing fowards and waving her arms in the air. She loves it. It also allows me to walk through Lewisham High Street as an insufferable New Dad.

At home I'm really enjoying the new Portishead LP, well perhaps not "enjoying" but "being fascinated by"...it is very good.

Tomorrow I have a day away from the kids as I go to Westcliffe-on-sea for the wedding of tycho_b and sham9, which promises to be a right blast. I'm leaving Ruth to cope solo. She'll deserve a big treat when I get back.

Firstly, a big tongue out to all you who scoffed at my notion of being able to sleep better when the the children had arrived and were in the room next door - I was right, most of my axieties about them disappeared to be replaced by a deep, brian numbing tiredness - so I sleep all right...and, astonishingly, so do the kids. From 8pm to 6 or 7am, without a peep. Weird.

On the whole (and this is only day six FFS), it's has been great and very rewarding - our children are lovely, really really lovely, We're finding ways to deal with Jack's tantrums (ie spotting the difference between genuine comfort seeking, and an attention seeking howler - and when to ignore them) There are already noticeably less of them, but still alot. "No" is not a popular word. I'm almost used to changing nappies now, although getting a baby into a babygro is still worthy of the Krypton Factor.

We took them to watch Morris on Saturday - Jack loved it, May hated it (too noisy). The ladies of Dacre Morris were enchanted by them, and I managed to squash in a quick "Ring O' Bells" before heading off to the park in the sunshine.



The picture below, snapped surreptitiously by Ruth, seems to capture something of the essence of today (very rainy, so inside all day)- A post-tantrum Jack has fallen asleep on me, and he remained there for the next hour. Trapped, I groped for the nearest culture I could find, (William Burrough's "Last Words") in the nearby bookshelf, and squinted my way through a few pages without my glasses-

Two days into being a brand new parent of two.

Just in case you thought I'd run off screaming for the hills.
No, having a lovely time (first night completely uninterrupted...it can't last), but I have also discovered new levels of knackeredness I previously thought impossible.

St George's Day was great - I've got a few pix. Great to see LiveJournalers publicansdecoy, mitzimaybe, obsessive_katy and jurawatchmaker too!

But, jeezus I'm tired...

EDIT- I will return to regular blogging soon - this just takes some getting used to.
I'm currently thinking of two great things a day, todays were M cackling maniacally (for a 10 month old) when I took her on a swing in the park - and 45 minutes with J as he scribbled on a bit of paper - I would draw a (very poor) cat, and he suddenly would start meowing....
..this kind of thing gets you through the, currently quite numerous, but entirely understandable, tantrums.

Tomorrow I introduce them to Morris Dancing, when I take them to see Dacre Morris at the nearby Woodman pub on Lee High Road - details here

Did I mention I was tired?

EDIT 2 - thanks also to spoombung for the phone call...

Yesterday was great.

Spent the afternoon in Manor House Gardens feeding the ducks, blowing bubbles and playing with a ball. M played on the grass and pulled daisies to bits, or clambered about on my chest. Both meals prepared were eaten, and J gets into the car himself without any fuss.

Today we have a truncated 5 hours with them, then we take them back to the Foster Carer for the last time.

Tomorrow the adventure really begins!

And I get to do some Morris Dancing tonight - details here. Although all things considered, I'll be going easy on the beer, and playing my melodeon more...

Happy St George's Day.

First - thanks again for all the comments. They really are helpful and encouraging...

Cor, I'm exhausted - still having anxious sleepless nights - I'm telling myself it'll be fine when they're sleeping in the room next door.

The actual placement has moved ahead one day - the official handover will be on Thursday morning. This is due to social worker availability rather than our fantastic ability as adopters, but anything which makes the constant to-and-foring between foster carer and us less is a good idea. And we're ready! (crosses fingers)

Our last eveing without kids is therefore tomorrow, which nicely happens to coincide with St Georges Day, so I'll be dancing outside the Jolly Farmers in Lewisham from 6pm. See you there..

Yesterday J and M cme to our house for the first time. We were very anxious about it- would they be happyin a new house for 8 hours?

We didn't need to worry thank goodness. J was of course into everything - prompting immediate and further de-toddlerfication, but by the afternoon the novelty of so many new things had worn off, and we were able to spend some calmer time with puzzles and books.

M seemed perfectly happy to explore the floor of the living room in her own manner - she doesn't crawl, she rolls. One of her favourite toys is cloth octopus (tenticles have different textures or noises) and at one point she seemed to be enacting a scene from a sci-fi film as she rolled about the room violently shaking an octopus.

We took them out in the new buggy, which works fine. We went to the shops (they both fell asleep) and to the local park - where J really loved the swings.

They had two meals too - I'm always astonished by the tiny amounts of food children actually eat. For lunch J ate virtually nothing over the course of 40 minutes - we're aware this is going to be a struggle. He did eat most of his tea though.

We delivered them back to the Foster Carer in the evening.

Today they come again, but later, so we return them in time for their bedtime routine.

Hmmm, bedtime.... I have a few qualms about that!

In other news Blackheath Morris are dancing outside the Jolly Farmers on Wednesday evening for Saint George's Day. If I have any energy left, I intend to be there. Details here.

Well, they're lovely. Of course they are.
I've never met two more smiley kids in all my life.
Jack runs around grinning, and shows me his toys and books (his favourite is a large Argos catalogue) he doesn't say many words apart from yeah and no, but is incredibly friendly.

May is a very quiet smiley baby who sat in my lap giggling with delight every time I waved a toy "Elmo" at her.

Oh man, this was worth the eight year wait.

Before we met them we assembled with the foster carer and five different people from Social Services in a tiny office, and we were shown a plan for the placement. Basically we're going to see them every day for several hours at different times of the day to get to see their routines. Then the move in on the 25th (next Friday)

After the supervisor congratulated us, Ruth and I, the foster carer (who's lovely too) and the children's social worker caught a bus to the foster carer's house in Beckton. The journey seemed to take forever, and the butterflies in my stomach seemed to be trying to batter their way out. But at the FC's house we met them, and it was just lovely.

We both feel very weird now - I don't know what I was expecting, tears or what, we've been waiting for this moment for so long. In fact it just felt really natural. At some point with little May in my lap, drinking from her bottle, it hit me that we were now responsible for these two tiny, lovely things...and although it's awesome etc, it also is just right.

We have a family!

EDIT: Apologies for this being so short. Actually knackered.

We meet our children for the first time this afternoon.




of course I'll write something about it afterwards, but adoption stuff will be friends only from now on...

1. Ruth just rang to say we've recieved the rather daft-named "Decision Maker's Letter", this confirms that we are now responsible (with Newham Social Services) for the welfare of J and M - have to sort out doctors for them, feed them, house them etc. No turning back now! Also got a invite to the wedding of my good friends Rob Flint and Lucy in July - which is marvellous news!

2. I'm off to see an exhibition by Cornelia Parker this lunchtime. I like Cornelia Parker - she once proposed a piece in which a meteorite was sent back into space, which I thought was lovely idea. I'll report on this one later.

3. I thought my previous post this morning had a few commentable points on it, but nobody else seems to think so....Sorry readers, am I boring you?

1. Tomorrow is my last day at work. When I return on the 12th May I'll be a father of two. Sobering, that is.

2. I'm having a pint with spoombung in Deptford's Dog and Bell tonight. Join us if you want. I promise to be in a better state than I was a week last Friday!

3. A 30 foot high "Banksy" (as his style is now a generic anti-establishment grafitti style, who can actually be sure?) muriel has appeared right next to my office. It's complaining about CCTV. Sadly CCTV seems to have been incapable of preventing somebody making a thirty foot high piece of agitprop, which in it's way way will look as tired and naff in a few years time as those mid 80s ones with skeletons and cruise missiles.

4. Regular commenter danieldavies announces the demise of the Euston Manifesto project in Comment is Free. Alan Johnson writes a reasonable reasonable rebuttal of some of it. Irritatingly I have to concede a couple of Daniel's points, although I still think the EM is worth supporting, and I agree with Johnson that if nothing else Euston has helped the "slow erosion of the 'enemy's enemy is my friend' reactionary left". I also think there's nothing in the entire Manifesto I don't still agree with. I am however very tired with arguing about it, which is why you find little on here about it these days. The badge proudly remains on my profile though.

5. Almost certainly the last one on the block to discover this, but Stuart Maconie's Freak Zone is a pretty good listen. I've heard his Radio 2 shows where he tended to enthuse about various examples of rock-ordinaire, and was never especially impressed - but this is good. The most recent one started with Stump and included a whole side of Mike Oldfield's "Incantations" - a playlist that would keep spoombung happy, if nobody else. His book about the North is pretty good too - and he says nice things about morris dancers.

6. I'm getting a cold.

7. The PRS Foundation New Music Award shortlist has been announced. My support goes to the Carousel Commission a collaboration between David (Pere Ubu) Thomas, Eliza Carthy, Adam Bushell and Ed Baxter. And not just because Ed is good friend of mine, I love Eliza Carthy and David Thomas is pictured playing a Hohner Pokerwork melodeon like my own.